FAQs
Q. What’s the advantage to working like a cat?
A. DUH! It beats working like a dog. You’ve been there, done that, and it’s exhausting, not to mention boring and thankless. For every stupid stick you chase, your boss has a bushel more under his desk.
Q. How did you learn to work like a cat?
A. Mostly through trial and error. I always had CATitude and kept getting fired for being too feral and not playing the game. I mistakenly believed that superior results would speak for themselves without the ass-kissing.
In 2002, I took a huge leap and started working at home with cats as my only co-workers. They spend their days lounging around while I pound a keyboard to keep them in treats and kitty litter. They inspire me not to stress over things I can control and not to care about things I can’t control.
Q. Why haven’t cats made their mark on the workplace before?
A. Most organizations claim to worship teamwork, a euphemism for backstabbing and one-upmanship. Dogs fall for it every time. You never see teams of cats. No one speeds across the frozen tundra in a catsled pulled by a dozen husky Maine Coons.
Any unmanageable situation is said to be “like herding cats.” Management distrusts cats because they can’t be brainwashed and controlled.
The problem with this preference for dogs and their simple obedience is that they will never move mankind forward. It’s going to take the cunning of cats.
Q. Are all offices full of dogs?
A. No. Most offices are crawling with vermin. That’s why a silly book about two mice searching for elusive piles of cheese became a huge bestseller back in the day. But since the Middle Ages, there’s been no time in history more perfect for cats to assert their superiority. Rodents may enjoy scampering through corporate mazes for management’s amusement, but any cat can leap the walls and wipe out that infestation. Remember, rats got credit for starting the Black Plague, but cats ended it.
Q. What happens when you work like a cat?
A. You can relax because you know you can deal with whatever they dish out—or simply ignore it. When people realize that you won’t fetch, roll over and play dead for them, they stop bothering you because there’s no payoff. You can do as you please and become a hero in the process because others will envy your CATitude.
Q. Is there a downside?
A. Watch out for cheesy imitators, although most co-workers won’t have the je ne sais quois to complete the transformation. In trying to follow you, they’ll find themselves out on a limb. This is exactly where you want them so they stop bothering you. Most workplaces can’t handle more than a few cats until they achieve a majority. In the meantime, you can be a trailblazer.
About Karen Wormald
Karen spent more than 20 years in corporate America learning how the cliché, “Nice guys finish last,” was coined. Offices were menageries where the stronger animals belittled, intimidated and, ultimately, killed off the weak.
In 2002, she launched Kew Publications to provide content makeovers, copywriting, editing and proofreading services to businesses so she could stay outside the cage. Working at home in her bunny slippers with her cats, clients still provide peeks at bad management and petty office politics, but she can enjoy the turmoil from afar, like a visitor to the zoo.
Karen is also the author of Mastering English Skills for Word Processing (Arco Publishing, New York) and has written numerous feature articles and columns for many general interest and trade publications.
She was born in Massachusetts and now lives in Virginia.
Bonus CATitude
Top 10 Reasons to Work Like a CAT
10. Banish boredom. Simple things will be fun again.
9. Stop chasing stupid Frisbees®.
8. Enjoy catnaps while your co-workers run around like headless chickens.
7. Learn to just say “No” to busy-work…and be thanked for it.
6. Maintain your serenity and drive your enemies crazy.
5. Never have fingers pointed at you when projects “go to the dogs.”
4. Listen more, meow less, and make a difference.
3. Make your own rules and keep everyone else off-base for a change.
2. Rise to leader of the pack without straining a whisker.
1. Never let inferior species get the best of you.
5 NEW Ways to Work Like a CAT
1. If you happen to encounter a skunk, politely ask a dog to deal with it.
Dogs will jump at the chance to show how macho they are, even if they end up reeking and have to take a bath. They never learn.
2. Never work for anybody more finicky than you are.
There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to please someone with impossible standards.
3. Avoid flicking your tail around flames. It’s just asking for trouble.
If a situation seems highly volatile, calmly fold your paws and observe things with your eyes and ears only. The last thing you want to do is escalate tensions with the stench of burnt fur.
4. When presented with a challenge, take the bait (literally).
One way to keep yourself in top form is to see how many fish in the conference room aquarium you can make disappear before anyone notices. Fish can’t scream so you’ll never get caught.
5. Whenever your fur gets ruffled, take a minute to lose yourself in a good purr.
Focus on your breathing and vibrate. See? You’re feeling better already.